Balance

First I have to say to my sister Elisabeth..get out of my head!  We are so much alike it is ridiculous.  I read her blog post this morning while I was already formulating and typing this one and we are totally on the same page with how we are feeling at this moment in time.  When I read her blog post I laughed out loud and then cried..and cried.  Thank goodness we feel the same way and I know she understands me so well (and I her).  I sometimes feel afraid of saying how I am feeling because people will take it as me complaining about my life and I am blessed beyond words, so I never want to appear to be ungrateful or to have a complaining heart.  I love my life.  I love my family. 

That being said, Sherman(Elisabeth's husband) was right on the nose when she was feeling inadequate about not doing everything that she thinks she should be doing and he said :

"Who cares? You take incredible care of our son. He's happy, healthy, and you play and teach him all day long."

Sherman, I love you even more than I did before for saying that to her because it is so true.

I have been having a rough time the last few days due to no child care and having to take off work, which is really really tough.  I am committed to my job, even though I work part time...but I have had to miss conferences with kids and parents, a field trip with my amazing third graders, a district team meeting, and having to write sub plans for three days.  Well it had me feeling GUILTY. 

Guilt, the words all moms feel.  We should talk about it even more than we do!  It feels a bit empowering just to talk about it.  I was talking to a good friend of mine today in the midst of me feeling out of balance in my life, and pulled in many different directions.  She said she loved being at home with her child when she was on her maternity leave, but she was always feeling guilty.  Guilty that she wasn't stimulating enough, doing enough for him, etc...etc.  As my sister said there is this pressure when looking at all these blogs and pinterest to be doing more more more....  I read the other day (somewhere but can't remember where) that all those amazing blogs have fabulous pictures of all these great things that moms are doing with their kids that leave others of us feeling inadequate.  But, I think about when I feel good about something I do with my kids, I take pictures and want to share it too.  It's great, and I want to celebrate that at that moment I am feeling like a successful mama with happy growing children.  Those bloggers are doing the same exact thing.  :) 

It's just so the truth.  However I think that the fact we are feeling guilty and searching for that good balance with putting our kids first and making sure they know how loved they are....well it means we are striving for more.  If we all thought we were great and amazing, then that means we would have stopped growing as parents, wives, teachers, etc...  I don't ever want to stop growing and trying to be good at being mama, wife, and teacher.  If I ever do, well you heard it here first, remind me of this post.  I always want to be changing and getting better.  Good Lord, I have change so much since having kids already....hoping to be better all the time.  Now, if I could just find some better balance!  :)